The 9th Annual Kitsap Seniors Spring Culture Day aboard the Seattle Ferry System was an unmitigated disaster on Friday morning after this year's speaker turned out to actually be Bettye Fite, a 74-year-old former insurance agent from Tukwila, rather than the promised Emmy-winning actress Betty White, in town to promote her new off-Broadway appearance in the musical Mame.
According to Jesper Rattscom, President of the Bainbridge League of United Elderly Homebound American Independent Retirees (BLUEHAIRs), the group that sponsored the event, the mishap could be blamed either on an aggregious typo in the group's April newsletter, the near-total hearing loss of Secretary Evelyn Buzby, or a combination of both.
Fite, who says she was called by Buzby in March and invited to speak to the group about her favorite television and movie roles during their annual pilgrimage from Bremerton to the Seattle Art Museum's exhibit of Normal Rockwell-inspired crochet blankets, was confused by the offer.
"I figured they knew I'd subscribed to TV Guide for five decades," said Fite, who was visibly shaken after one BLUEHAIR member, 86-year-old Gussie Meyers, threw a box of Lorna Doone cookies at her head while she tried to give her 15-minute presentation.
"So I thanked them and began to list my favorites -- starting with Angela Landsbury's character on 'Murder She Wrote' and the powerful performances by Andy Griffin on 'Matlock' through the years. And then moving into classics like that Leonard Nimoy on 'In Search Of' -- but then Katie-bar-the-door, they started throwing things!"
"I was hotter than a depot stove," explained a furious Meyers. "Betty White is a real lady, and this jezebel doesn't know the FIRST THING about acting. Never again!"
For her part, Betty White's agent refused comment and hung up on the Ferry Tales reporter three different times.
Rattscom said he understood why many of the group's members were "sorely dissapointed" that Betty White wasn't the speaker, and promised to try to do better next year.
"Evelyn's got an offer out to singer Tom Jones for next year," he explained. "I'm sure that will work out fine."
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